Oh my god! Oh my god! I had my first lucid dream this morning! I was so excited! Even in my dream!

The beginning of the dream was not lucid. In the beginning it was sexual, I was having a threesome with Michael and another guy (in real life I have never had a threesome, and I never would). I know who it was, but I don't want to mention it here. It's no one who would be reading this journal, so don't get excited. Haha. Ok anyway... that happened. Then, the scene switches and Michael is gone and I'm all alone. I'm in the beautiful place, everything is deep greens and blues, and gold. The gold is the kind of "perfect" bright orange/yellow shining glow. It's a deep and beautiful place. There's morning sunlight shining through all the windows. Everything has a hint of India about it, but nothing I could really place my finger on. The air is crisp. Everything so beautiful. I come upon a door, I push my hands and chest against it for it to open, but it doesn't. Instead it forms a long space in the door jam where I can see through, and I see an orgy going on, on a big luxurous bed. I pound and kick the door open and run inside. I'm angry but I don't know why. The orgy ignores me. I look around. The room is the same color as the hallways outside, but slightly darker. The room is wide, but even more-so, it's long. I see a dark dark end of the room, and a person is there. I rush over to see it's Michael and he has two black eyes and he's very upset. I ask him what happened and he says he was going to join the orgy but they beat him up and wouldn't let him (nothing like this has ever happened in real life either, I think my work is effecting my dreams).

THEN! The scene switches again.

Now I'm in a restaurant with Michael, the same colors and feel as before, not sexual, but now there are deep reds also. It's so very very beautiful there, and calm. Peaceful. We are sitting at a small table across from each other. I look around, and it must be morning judging from the sunlight. The sunlight is crisp and bright... and so beautiful. I notice the light hitting a metal object on the empty table next to us... and then here my dream became lucid! I turn to Michael and I say "I'm dreaming, this is a dream." He says something that I cannot comprehend. I can only understand the words I'm saying. However, I understand that he means something like "Then you can wake yourself up." "No" I say "Look, the sunlight, we live for so long, and we see so many things. We see sunlight hitting objects all our lives... and then we can dream them exactly how they are... in perfect detail." All the time I'm thinking to myself! I'm thinking "I'm in a dream, and I realize it! This has never happened before!" I feel so full of joy. All the time I'm raving on and on to my dream Michael. He's watching me talk, and he's talking too but I can't hear the words right. It becomes hot, I'm sweating and so excited about this dream.

EDIT added: 5:00PM: I want to also add... when it got hot I groaned in annoyance at the heat, and when I did so I remember clearly thinking "I wonder if sleeping me is making this noise outloud also... I wonder is awake Michael just heard me groan?"

Then the dream changes and I've lost my control over it.

Now I'm in a supermarket... and everyone is walking around in order. There's a wonderful parade of every famous person you can think of (mostly actors). Everyone, men, women, children, everyone is walking and running around smiling, singing, laughing. The famous people are as happy as the audience, they tickle you and tell you jokes when you walk by them. The parade of famous people is moving in one direction, and the audience is walking against their flow, weaving in and out, having a wonderful time. I'm part of the audience. In particular I notice Jim Carrey on stilts and a clown costume, he waves at me. I see some more famous people... Happiness...

Then I wake up.

-- Lynn @ 2:32 PM

Today (and tomorrow) The guys and gals are here to shoot the student film. Right now the director and his assistants are setting up for the next scene. There's quite a large group of people in the house right now: "Dave", "Sunny", "Lyla", "Lyla's" real life parents, Steve (director), assistant director, the lighting girl, the camera guy, the script supervisor, and my Michael (the sound guy). Later on tonight the actor for the character "Bill" will be here also. They already shot the first scene of the little girl "Lyla" fixing a bowl of cereal. Now they are shooting a different scene toward the middle of the movie... I watched the first scene but now I felt like cutting and coding the layout for snowdive... yep, it SHOULD be up by tonight. No advanced content yet however.

Speaking of layouts, I threw up a new layout on punkgirl.org last night.

-- Lynn @ 6:47 PM

I'm having some server problems with sweetusagi.com again. I've never had such a bad host. They promised me it would be up 99% of the time... but guess what, the fucking thing has been going dome every week so far.

Right now some film students from a local university are setting up cameras and going over scripts in our living room. All the film students have their final projects due this month and next, and this particular group asked if they could use our house for the shoot. I don't really know them myself, Mike has been rushing around working on sound for several other student films, which is how he met this group. I've been asking to come to a shoot so I could snap some photos.

Last night I begged Michael for us to join our roomate at Blue Sky in Nashville to see a local band Ide play. I wanted to go out so bad. It's rare for me to get sick of being secluded and computer glued... but when I do... you better take me out right away or I'll get frustrated. Hehe. I took some drunk pictures of myself with the cam. I look pretty stupid in them, but I'll put them up anyway so you can all enjoy a good laugh at my expence. Hehehe. As Bev said about how I look in these pics, I'm a "freak" and a "dork"... but that's just her way, blunt and humerous, and I love her to death for it.

In other news... the stray kitten Mii I've been mentioning here and there. She let's us hold her, pet her, and pick her up now... so we may bring her in soon. Of course when we decide to do that we have to take her for shots and declawing right away. Yes, I know declawing is horrible, but since my Puska is totally declawed already we have no choice... Mii would hurt her if we let her keep those claws.

-- Lynn @ 2:12 PM

I hate blogger.... uuuug.

For weeks and week the Template has the new code... but it keeps using the old code. So I have to keep cutting and pasting my new entries and reuploading the index myself. So that is one reason I don't blog as often anymore. The other reason is work. I have to juggle several different tasks all day. Four things I have to do all at once all day: Signing people up for free stuff when they send me an email with requests, making galleries, collecting gallery codes for posting, and of course designing cheesy things for lots of $$$ per page. I get about 40 emails an hour requesting access to these "free" things. Not for sweetusagi.com, but I shouldn't mention it here. Hahaha.

The previous entry was nothing by the way. People emailed me asking what was wrong. But it's just one of those times I have to let off a little steam about something petty.

I really shouldn't be taking the time to post... so, the highlights.

- Kyla is pregnant.
- Mii let's us pet her now.
- We might be moving this summer (yeay!!)... I have to stress the 'might'

That's pretty much it, on the personal side of things right now.

Although, my forums are doing really well so far with 75 members (about 60 of them are unique users, 10~12 are names I and the mods have reserved for ourselves... names like YUKI, Ayumi, our real names... etc) and we hit 2000 posts earlier today. Only about 20 regular posters. I'm hoping more will come back and post with us when their school terms are up for the year. Come on summer!

And... my personal site has finally been revamped and updated. (Notice the Blythe doll in the background! *pokes it* Hehehe).

-- Lynn @ 3:44 PM

Ok...So I'm neurotic -which is probably the wrong word to use here. I've been listening to the Tommy February6 album nonstop with the headphones since it arrived to me in the mail. Honestly... NOTHING else... I tried switching to and old favorite Suzuki Ami and the SA album. Nope... I went so far as to pull out the Sailormoon, even worse. To tempt me away from Tommy I set out my Judy and Mary CDs next to me at my desk, but haven't touched a one. The only thing that could take me away from Tommy is YUKI's 2nd album... which will be released on the 26th. Even the 6th single Humming Bird (on the 19th) probably wouldn't tear me away but for a few minutes. The power this excellent 80's syth. pop has over me is astounding. The laws of music would have be sick and gagging over it by now. I still can't ge over it. She has me doubting YUKI, how evil.

The lingering thought that the 80's were as good as it's are ever going to see again is sad. That's how I feel. PEACE. LOVE. The 80's. What?

I am in a pretty sour mood. As it turns out I'm mean and selfish and I have no idea. Apparantly it's the things I say and the way I say them. But wasn't it that actions speak louder than words? If you always give the other person the better half of a two person deal, if you give them more of the dinner you're eating... wouldn't that overwhelmingly override anything you said that might have sounded selfish? If you feel hurt, and complain about it in the wrong tone... suddenly you're the one who was mean? As for actions, I wouldn't hesitate to say that I'm a pretty god damn unmotivated person, but I knew that, I always did, and I always said so. I have no ambition. I know I've even written it here. No motivation. The things I want to achieve are beyond career. I don't want a career. I never want a career. My goals are things that most people feel they need to stretch out and do over long periods of time. I want them now. I'm not patient. I hate waiting.

My goals are things that people take for granted. These goals of mine, people might say "You don't have to work for that. Don't spend all yout time thinking of that, just let it happen!" Just let it happen? Just sit here and NOT work on my goal? They might say "Those goals are low, too easy, pick something hard and work hard on that." No, I want THIS, and until I get it, until it's accomplished I don't want to think about anything else. I need security, I need to tie up both ends of it so it doesn't break when I'm leaning on it to do those other things you want me to do. Now I see... that sounds selfish doesn't it? It sounds like a "Me! Me first!" situation. Well sorry... I don't mean to be selfish, but it's not a want at this point, it's a need. And if I have to hear "You can control that, you can fight through it" one more time I'm just going to give up totally. Not on my goal, no, on ever doing anything else.

-- Lynn @ 11:51 PM

Type 'Natsuki' at yahoo.com or google.com and my journal here is the VERY first result. Hehehe. Coooool...

-- Lynn @ 11:28 AM

Every few days I feel like I have something to post... but then I don't do it, and forget. Humm... it's the 9th, on the 12th I will have lived with my honey in Nashville for exactly five months. That's really exciting, almost half a year. I've never lived away from "home" this long, and I feel fine.

I've found a new music artist I'm in love with, thanks to Brian *snuggle*. YUKI is still my number one, but now Tommy February6's debut solo album has had me wrapped around it for the past three~four days. It's the only thing I've listened to this week. The best way to descibe it is that it's extremely accurate vintage sounding 80's synth. pop! On top of it being a style I like, every song on the album (almost: 10 out of 12) is perfect! I find it hard to decided which song is even my favorite. But at this very moment my top five list for this album would be something like this:

1. KISS ONE MORE TIME
2. CANDY POP IN LOVE
3. EVERYDAY AT THE BUS STOP
4. WALK AWAY FROM YOUR MY BABE
5. Can't take my eyes off of you (yes, this is a remake)

(note: Brian and Michael both agree that 'EVERYDAY AT THE BUS STOP' is the best... but as you can see, I don't totally agree... hehe)

While YUKI is my forever favorite singer, this Tommy album is currently my favorite album.

-- you are my everything @ 5:12 PM

That layout I mentioned in the post below was up for about 2~3 days. I got tired of it already, so I changed again.

-- you are my everything @ 3:27 PM