HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
boooo~~... and such.

I'm off to a halloween party, going to meet lots of people I dunno, dressed up as other people I probably don't know. Me? I'm not dressing up. Here's my make-shift cam page... I'll add it to my journal officially with the next layout (which is almost done). pictures!

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 7:58 PM )

listening to: 'LOLLIPOP' by Judy and Mary
talking to: Nate and Peter

A small DivX encoded 8 second movie of me! I'm addicted to my webcam! *hugs it*

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 1:59 PM )

listening to: 'Girls Talk' by Yaida Hitomi
talking to: Caroline

Oh baby, yea baby, I got a webcam!

Phil says "ya know, ur eyes in that pic look like those of a cheetah movin in for the kill" (the cam is not live yet... dunno if it will ever be, from now on find updated pictures in 'the idol' on the menu [upper right of the layout])

So anywhoooo... yester... er... on the 28th, I got my third ear pierce. I know it says that I already had it in my profile (this is because I updated on the day I was originally going to go get it, but never did and forgot to edit, but all is well, because now I finally got it). I slept in till three yesterday like a moron, so I'm staying up all night to make up for it. Michael and I went grocery shopping a few hours ago, and now he's snoring away in bed, hehe. Tomorrow I really need to get motivated... you see, instead of getting a 'go out and work everyday' job, Michael is going to help me start making money doing stuff I enjoy. I'll be sure to announce it once it's all set in motion, but don't expect much as it's sort of... taboo... shall we say. Er... don't think to hard! O_o yikes. Quite a choppy little post here... but I'm mesmerized by the adorable image of myself floating around on a slight delay in my new webbie cam! bruuhuu! wadda doo! Oh... ok, one more web cam image!

Oh yea... and mom, I saw your IM today when I got back from shopping. It made me very happy, and I was upset that I missed you. :)

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 2:09 AM )

listening to: the AC blowing...
talking to: Lisa (my sister) and Peter

Just bought this, just saw this, and just read this. Ahh... I'm blissful, all of my lovely programs are back... all I need is Music Match and I'm set.

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 7:41 PM )

listening to: 'I like' by Yaida Hitomi
talking to: nobody...

I formatted my laptop! She needed it. I was getting 'blue screens of death' daily, she was moving slow as crap... and well, she just needed to be formatted. Wee... now I'm running WinXP... ug. How I ever let Michael talk me into this I'll never know. Everything is "Fisher-Price" looking (even after I changed everything to 'classic windows' style). All files are 'pretty pathed', the volume icon isn't automatically on the task bar, no icons on the taskbar or desktop at all, really. I'm sure I'll get used to everything with time... but for now it's all pretty DAMN annoying! I only have IE and a bunch of progams I hate or will never use. I just got the Corel DRAW 8 Suite, but it's SO annoying already I can hardly stand it. I have Photoshop 7 all ready to go, but I need to reinstall a previous Photoshop version before hand, so I'm completely at a loss for anything cool to do at the moment. My natsuki@punkgirl.org email is the only account set up, as of yet. I downloaded MSN, AIM, and ICQ. I had to get a new ICQ # because I couldn't remember my damn passoword, and I can't upload the new icq# to my sites because I've got no FTP!! ARG!! I'm in post-format hell!!!!!!! No MS Word either! GOD DAMMIT! I'm so BORED!!

[added 2:45, same day]

Aha!! I have made peace with WinXPPro! I was having problems changing settings because everything on XP is 'idiot proof' and I'm used to the complete freedom of Win2kPro. I successfully changed all of the settings I was pissed off at, except one. I like my task bar to be doubled (like the size of two, in height), auto-hide, with open apps on top and quick launch on the bottom. I did it all, except the damn task bar is keeping everything side by side instead of stacking them... *growls* And all these big, ugly icons can go too! Sadly... no way to change those... *whimper*

[end of addition]

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 10:43 AM )

listening to: 'motto' by Judy and Mary
talking to: Bree

Uwaa... my life is so unbelievably full and happy now, I have no idea what to post about. I really don't do much more than I used to, but just the fact that I'm living with the one I love makes it seem 'whole' and 'complete'. I guess why I don't post is that previously my blog was an outlet for angst and depression, and generally people don't find it as interesting to read that "My god! My life is so utterly perfect!" It prevents me from connecting with other bloggers whose lives might not be in a similar state at the moment, although I wish they were. Now that I'm happy in 'real' life, my online activities have lost so much of their previous luster. I'm even to the point were it upsets me to read journals where the author is sad, depressed, or having a bad day. Before now, I would think how happy everyone else seems by comparison to me... now it's flipped, everyone's small problems seem bigger now.

Ok, about Michael and me. I've been living with him in Nashville for two weeks! Two weeks and I'm already closer to him then I ever was before. Not only that, closer than I've ever been with anyone my entire life. That sounds painfully cliche, but it's the absolute truth. The main thing really, about that, is that we are similar. Similar, almost to a creepy level. To quote him from yesterday at dinner "Why are we the same person?" It's true! Sometimes, even the small things; He'll be humming a weird noise, or making a face, or telling a joke and I'll look from the corner of my eye and think "Gawd... how is it that I found... and was found by someone so like me... it's impossible." We never argue, we do, but so far it seems like any argument we have is brief and based on a misunderstanding that we figure out after a few moments. I've never gone more than five minutes feeling anything but happy with him, and I'm fairly sure he feels the same way. I'm not saying we're exactly the same, but the similarities are numerous to a shocking degree; We are similar in all the best ways, which is probably why we get along so well. I can't help but feel, as unreligious as I am, that I've been truly blessed. I'm thankful everyday to be able to be so close to this person, my boyfriend. It honestly brings me to tears how lucky I am.

In other news... we were taking a walk home from a park the other day, and on the way I saw a black cat. First you must know that there are a lot of stray cats in our neighborhood, and they almost never come within 10 feet of anyone. So I saw this black cat and exclaimed, "It looks just like Puska!" (my cat who I had to leave behind, possibly forever, to come to Nashville). Just then the cat gives a raspy little meow and walks over to me, flops down, and demands to be pet. It had a collar, so I don't think this cat was a stray, but I still think a cat approaching and trusting a strange human is a rather uncommon thing. So I pet her for a moment, but I couldn't resist the painful urge to hold and cuddle this kitten that looked so much like my cat. So I picked her up and nuzzled her, and she purred. Finally I made myself put her down to go home, so I gave her a little kiss on her furry cheek and set her down on the grass where she had flopped herself. I miss my own cat so much...

Also! At the end of my first week here I joined the anime club. I’m not a very big anime fan anymore. My hobbies are narrowly focused on j-pop/rock music, manga, and webdesign. But I wanted to meet people, and what better place to fit in than at an anime club. They are Anime Nashville, and I don’t think I have to tell you, you have to live in Nashville (or at least near it) to join the club... what would be the point of joining a club you can’t attend? But please visit anyway!

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 2:21 PM )

listening to: 'Sugar cain train' by Judy and Mary
talking to: myself...

The coffee burns on my arm are healing quite well. A little gross... so I won't go into it. They are more pale now, the skin is becoming normal, it looks as if they might be totally gone after a week or two. As I said before, being home all day, alone, get's rather boring. I just read to page 78 in 'N.P.'... I'd say N.P. is my sixth or seventh favorite novel... haha. I wanted to continue reading 'The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle' (the best book ever written and far and away my most favorite book of all time) for my... what is it now... fourth? Fifth time? But I needed a breather, something of a different tempo and style... something not quite as deep as Wind-Up Bird.

I've been sitting here a while thinking about how I feel. I'm not homesick at all, I don't feel like I miss anyone yet -as horrible as that might sound. I'm absolutly not lonely. In fact, even though I'm alone right now, just knowing that my boyfriend will be home soon gives me such a good feeling. The feeling that I'm waiting for someone who wants to see me too. I don't feel lonely at all. I made the bed, and it occured to me that I still don't think of it as my bed... or this room I'm in either... it doesn't feel like 'my' room. I guess really it's not. It seems wrong to me, I should feel that it's my room, because this is where I'm living now. I still feel like a guest, but I really shouldn't. It has nothing at all to do with Michael and me. It's just that I've moved. I think about my room back home even. It's tidy, the shelves are gutted, the desk is empty... everything I left behind in my room will stay in that very same spot I left it for a very long time. The door is closed and it's probably chilly in there. I think of the noises when I used to sleep in. An occational sound that the house makes from being warmed up in the morning, someone outside slamming a car door in a driveway, a car driving past slowly searching for the right house, someone hammering away on their new deck or mowing their lawn. It all seems so lonely... I'm almost glad I'm not there anymore.

As if it ment anything to anyone... I used to be on Eastern Time... now I'm on Central... so if the times of my posts seem screwed up for today, ignore them, I just switched the settings on blogger... I have no idea what it will do... it might even change my posts from two weeks ago to central... blah.

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 5:54 PM )

listening to: 'Lucky Pool' by Judy and Mary
talking to: Phil, Bev, and Kayla

I wanted to post an entry sooner but wasn't able to. For some reason I couldn't connect to Michael's cable. I was able too last time I visited, but this time it didn't work. If it had anything to do with my having given snicker's a sip of coffee, I have no idea.

Ok, a brief overview for anyone who didn't already know: I was born in New Jersey (and lived there for the first year of my life), completed the rest of my preschool years in Connecticut, and grew up going to school K~12 (and a year of college, at which point I quit going for a year or two, I would probably be a junior in college if I took full loads the past two years) in Michigan. Now, since October 12th, I'm living with my boyfriend in Nashville, TN. Ok... so that was boring and pretty much useless information, but it's my journal, if I want to document things in a stupid boring way then really I'm the only one suffering any from it... right?

So how did I come to move down here? That's a long story, and I'm not telling it all. Basically... well... ok, skip all that, lemme just blab about what's going on first...

It's like this: All week I've been bored and annoyed that I've got no internet access, probably no one's fault... except maybe my own for the coffee accident. Mike is at work most of the early morning and afternoon, so I'm alone AND bored. I haven't gotten a job yet; I'm looking though and will probably start working sometime next week. I try to keep busy, but doing the dishes, showering, and tidying our room doesn't eat up very much time. Once Michael gets home, everything is peachy! Sometimes he still has work to do when he gets back, and lately he's been using MY headphones to listen to music *pout* Hehe. Other than the times he's busy we spend time with each other and get along great.

So far I've unpacked most of my stuff. He put shelves up for me and I had to squeeze all my stuff onto it. What resulted was a really girly, rainbow-y array of shoujo manga and CDs piled up high on five little shelves, along with little hello kitty things and a picture of my cat... who I had to give away in order to move here.

Losing my cat was probably the only bad thing about moving down here. He had no problem with her being here (he even told me I should have insisted on bringing her), and goodness knows I would have surely loved to keep my precious kitty, but the landlord of the house we live in does not allow pets of any kind. Once upon a time I wouldn't have gone anywhere without my cat, but this goes to show that I really wanted to be down here with him. My cat now lives in an upper floor of a retirement home, so she has lots of new warm and loving masters now.

Humm what else... I still have two boxes of stuff to put away. But it's weird chunky stuff that has no place. One box is solid Nakayoshi issues and stuffed animals (which I'm not going to put up anywhere... I'm not THAT cruel, hehehe). The other box contains my Chocola sets, books, magazines, drawing and writing materials, journals full of notes and drafts of the first chapters of my book, my other files... like a planner, old pen pal letters, tax documents... BLAH. I'm thinking of just leaving most of that stuff in those boxes in a corner somewhere. If and when I get a desk of my own my writing stuff and files can go there, and I might break down and sell my Nakayoshi issues after some intense scanning sessions!

Obviously there’s a lot more to talk about... but the words to describe much of it, and the drive to actually go into detail are lacking at the moment. Oh! But last night we watched 'Ringu'! I wanted him to see it before the American remake 'The Ring' comes out. This weekend I think we're going camping (I've never been camping really).

Off topic... Michael says I look a lot like Lain. ^_^ Heeee! Sorry if this post sucks... I probably left out a ton of details. Bleee... maybe it’s because I’m not writing it from my own computer, and I’m feeling rushed because I haven’t posted in nearly a week!

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 4:06 PM )

listening to: nothing
talking to: Kayla and Aurora

Ok... so today is the day. Wee!! I'm excited. So... er... I don't know what to say. Speechless (for the first time ever, haha)? Can you really blame me? Um um um... er... BYE! *runs away*

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 2:06 PM )

listening to: 'hitotsudake' by Judy and Mary
talking to: Michael, Peter, Chris, Amanda

Yesterday was good, bad, boring, and awesome all in one! It came in stages. First I was worrisome and couldn't fall asleep. As a result I was pathetic, weepy, and fretting all during most of the early morning, combined with laughing at things on tv much to hard for how unfunny they actually were. My laughing, of course, due to the slaphappy mood brought on by sleeplessness. Then came trying to nap. Then an unexpected / unwanted phone call. Then finally I resigned to my fate of 'no sleep' for the day. I showered for as long as there was hot water -which was probably close to 30 minutes.

Then I got all dolled up and walked to the drug store for those cigarettes I quit smoking... HEY, I WAS HAVING A HARD DAY... lemme come down off my nicotine addiction gradually... mm'kay? On the way back I got a beep-beep and was flashed the peace sign by a fairly decent looking high schooler. This begged me to wonder, yet again; "What is the purpose of that? Like is there some chart I don't know about, in some men's room somewhere, that says the probability is decent that a girl will lick her lips and wave you road side when you beep at her?"

So the shower and the walk cleared up my sleep-deprived brain, putting me in a totally better mood for the duration of the day. I packed some more stuff into boxes, watched some tv, listened to some music, checked some email, and pretty much tried to keep myself from noticing how LONG Thursday was creeping by. I'm totally happy and excited now (as compared to the previous morning). No more worries, and I'm dead tired for tonight. I'm hoping to sleep off a good chunk of this -Friday- morning, wake up around 10~11-ish, shower, finish packing, do all my laundry that needs doing, and then... I suppose... read... or design... or SOMETHING to ensure a brief a Friday as possible. Because really, at this point, waiting it totally eating me alive.

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 12:34 AM )

listening to: 'bara iro no hibi' by THE YELLOW MONKEY
talking to: Bev

Oh wow... I just discovered something new and crappy about blogger! I had snicker's clock set back to 1996 to update Norton Antivirus (don't ask), and forgot to set it back to 2002 when I went to post. I was having a fit trying to figure out why I couldn't post. Finally I went on to do other things and noticed the calendar was off, so I set it back. After a moment I got this weird feeling that this might -in some sick way- be the reason blogger was being wenchy. Logged back into blogger and *poof* she's working again! So anyway...

As you can see, I added some blue powdery brushes (I made them, aren't they super?) to the white space there in the upper left. I didn't like that white space, it focused your eyes on the wrong part of the page. Now it's more balanced.

It's Thursday, early morning, somewhere abouts' 2:30~2:40AM EST... and I'm thinking it's about two and a half days until I move. No clue why, but I feel weird talking about it. It's just me. I worry over some pretty dumb things. Not fearful worry... just sort of a constant worry of the unknown... or something, I can't even describe it really.

By Sunday evening I'll be living in Nashville, TN (huh?!). Not visiting, not vacationing, I'll be living there. It'll be my home for until who knows when. Why? Because I'd rather not have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and well, you know, I tend to play every card I'm dealt. What I mean by that is that I never want to pass up opportunities, even if they seem risky, scary, or irrational. I would rather mess up and have the chance at something really great then let it pass and always wonder what I missed, or what could have been different. To some this seems like a bad way to be, most people seem to want to be secure and safe and comfortable. That's just not who I am, I can't live like that. It's not ignorance or stupidity if you know what you're up for. It's not a bad idea unless you feel it is. I like this idea of moving, in fact I think it's one of the better choices I've made. If I'm doing anything wrong it’s that I'm being too optimistic, I guess that's my 'problem', so to speak. So that's where the disappointment would come into play later, but I really don't think there’s anything to worry about.

So wish me luck.

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 2:42 AM )

listening to: 'LOLLIPOP' by Judy and Mary

Wee! New layout! I learned the 'position... blah blah, overlapping... whatever' div-tags thanks to Suki-chan! I spent HOURS taking text off of this picture of YUKI... but it was worth it because I love the way this turned out. I'll probably edit this post later and add to it. *flees*

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 8:33 PM )

Woohoo! I made a very cool layout for this journal! Weee! The unfortunate thing is that I always seem to make cool stuff really late at night. Then I'm too tired to go ahead and code it right away and must wait for the following morning. The next layout will require layers... or whatever. I've never done any of this 'layers / div-tag / overlapping / whatever' thing, so I'll have to learn. *steals from kenken, muahahaaa!* Oh! On a semi-related note: If I'm lucky my "hidden" YUKI gallery may reach and surpass 1,000 images by the end of the month! *get's all excited and claps like an idiot*

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 2:52 AM )

My new WARP album with the box sleeve arrived. Yeay. That was exciting for all of 30 seconds since I already have the CD, and it was purchased to make my collection better. Weee, yeay! Ok. Now would be a good time to organize and pack away my music. I'll go do that as I continue down the path of boredom.

-- your cute little lollipop girl ( 5:52 PM )

This cold is making me tired and bored. *sniffle* I guess I can appreciate catching this cold, because it shows that the seasons are finally changing. Autumn is my favorite season. It's colder outside, I've got this cold, the leaves are changing color.

After talking to Christine and Teru I've decided my next site will be a fan site to THE YELLOW MONKEY. I think it's best I do another music site rather than manga. It won't be as complete and massive as my YUKI site, because I don't have the entire collection of books and CDs from Yello-Mon. I still want to do it, because they are really a great band (although broken up) and not very well known in the US.

I added a link to my YUKIcons down on the side bar. Enjoy them!

Owwies... I have two weird-shaped bright-pink burn marks on my right forearm, battle scars from a sequel to my laptop/coffee accident. I love posting in the early mornings, it makes it feel as if the week is passing more swiftly. *glances at the calendar and counts on her fingers energetically, several times in succession* seven... eight.. nine... ten... eleven... twelve, that's one... two... three... four... five... six. *smile*

Now is the moment I start to feel self conscious.

Previously, I was secure in the fact that only people I've never met and weren't associated with in anyway were reading my journal. That I could deal with. No pressure. That's not really true anymore. I suppose what I mean is; before, only people I didn't need to explain anything to were reading... now, occasionally, people are reading who's opinions do matter. In which case I would rather tell them myself, in a more detailed way... and here is where I can't figure a way to explain it.

Humm... for example: If I don't have to care I can say things like "Oh goodness, I absolutely hate so-and-so!" and that's that, no one asks any questions. But to some people, I'll feel that I would like to explain exactly why, tell the whole story, so they don't go off thinking I'm someone who just randomly proclaims dislike for someone with no basis. Actually, this is a poor example. It will have to do for now considering I have a bad cold and it's late.

I guess, all in all, I'm afraid of people forming ideas about me from just a little bit of something. But I suppose if I really worried about it these entries would end up miles long, explaining -or trying to explain- every little detail, thought, and feeling. But then I guess that's what the 'read me' file is there to explain. So why am I babbling? I should look into making a ‘uselessly worried’ yukicon.

er... yeay! My mouse just decided to work correctly! My computer loves me after all! It's so cute, people who have read my profile on my personal site know the name of my laptop, I got at least two IMs asking "so how is 'snickers'?" ACK! *pet's her computer* People wuvz yuu snicky! *stops* *clears throat* So yea... I have a very agreeable laptop. She's been dropped, punched (not by me), and spilt on... but she bounces back and works just as good as she did when I bought her two years ago! This is where I knock on wood or something, right?

I spilled some coffee into my laptop. Thank god she still works, and perfectly too. The only problem left is the built in mouse AND the external mouse don't work correctly. It has to be an internal thing, because there's no reason the external mouse shouldn't work. I think it needs to be opened up and cleaned... that's my guess. I'm also on my period, I have a wicked head cold, and I also have a little coffee burn on my arm. *head spins*

Until I can get my computer back in full working order I'm going to research and write a massive essay on my favorite book The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. For what reason? Personal enjoyment...

listening to: 'SHOCK HEARTS' by THE YELLOW MONKEY

My Yello-Mon singles came yesterday! Weee! 'Sugar Fix' and 'SHOCK HEARTS' are my two new song obsessions! I went out on a little limb, buying singles of songs I'd never heard before. Yello-Mon is my second favorite band, so I new I would probably like them. As it turns out I LOVE them! XD *squeal* So I'm happy about that.

My site is down AGAIN!!!!!! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuck!!!! Well... actually... I'm overreacting... a little. Hehe. I was in the process of switching servers again anyway, I just had hoped it would be a smooth transition. I'm pissed off, but not worried. Oh, and tag-board is a piece of shit. Did I mention? *gnaws fiercely on tag-board*