I'm not tired... but I'll force myself to sleep. I'll see you when the sun comes up!
i'll see you when the world spins on it's axis just one more time...
listening to: my vaio
drinking: vanilla coke... what else?
You can't have it both ways. I was unmotivated, confused, depressed, lonely, and angry... and I wrote deep emotional entries in my journal. I was super-in-touch with my inner most feelings. But now that I'm no longer the depressed girl that I was a few months ago I don't feel the need to post as often... and when I do it's something bland and shallow. I'm so happy inside I could bust into a million pieces like hanabi. Scattering my happiness all over the place.
Although... I wonder if it's safe to talk about my happiness. I could just be over sensitive... but have you ever noticed that when you over-talk something... sometimes it ends up turning out rotten, or it all goes bad. I've been keeping most of my happy thoughts to myself... or rather, the details of them. You know, maybe it's just the saying "expect the worst, hope for the best"... in everything... and in this way you will always be pleased with the outcome of life's situations.
I wish I could write like I used to... but I just can't... there's just way too much wizzing around in the little world of my mind.
listening to: 'RUSH' by Hysteric Blue
The new layout for my journal isn't the best. I don't have a lot of time to work on my sites anymore, so I didn't have time to really fine-tune this one. So I'm leaving it up 'as is'.
A hurt bird is fluttering around on the deck. I tried to pick it up (with gloves on) and see what was broken or wounded... but it would fly out of my hands after a few seconds. I gave it some old bread, but it's still freaking out. I can't help the poor thing... all I can do is watch and listen to it smack around on the windows.
But... aside from the poor bird... Vidya noticed I had Wednesday off, so she asked me to switch days. I asked "What day do I get off instead of Wednesday?"... she said... "Friday"... Katie said "It's fate!"... then, after being over-the-top happy about the situation Katie said "There's a word for what you are..." I asked "What's that?"... she said "Twitterpated!" (see: Bambi).
I'm too happy! I tell you... too happy... much much too happy.
listening to: 'You Can't Hurry Love' by Diana Ross and The Supremes (huh?!) hehe...
I dyed my hair back to the red it used to be when I was religiously dying it in high school. I got a lot of compliments about it from people at work! One guy said "You got purdy hair." Haha. Jackie, a lady I work with, also said to me today "You are always smiling! If you were in pain, no one would know. I wonder what you're like when you're upset, you probably just smile then too!" I don't know what it was about today... but it was a very very good one.
Vanilla Coke is finally out in CANS!!! I picked up two 12 packs and I have a few chilling in the fridge waiting to be demolished!
listening to: 'amai candy' by Mean Machine
I'm going shopping! I'll be back in a while, and I'll probably rant or rave about it later. Doodle doo!
I made and put up a new layout on sweetusagi.com I also need to add Bev to the punkgirl.org main page (which I'll do tomorrow).
While smoking and listening to music today I got a great new idea for the next chapter in my book. I took some notes but I haven't written it out yet. I know it will take a year or so to get anything really accomplished, but it will be worth the wait. It's forming well. If I'm lucky I will have the book published, and of course make the site for myself! That's something I'm really looking forward to as part of my long term goals.
I planned on staying up all night... but I think I will go to bed and get a few Z's, just so I'm not completely thrashed tomorrow night.
listening to: 'Lucky Pool' by Judy and Mary
eating: parts of a candy necklace
My long time internet friend Heidi IMed me and a bunch of other girls and invited us all to a group chat. All of them I knew five~six years ago. It was crazy how all the memories came rushing back. Of course, we all reverted to how we used to type and act back then. Screams and old names of people we used to know were flying around the chat room like wild fire. It was VERY crazy. It was such a good feeling talking to them all again. *much hugs* I saved the chat, if you were one of the many of us in the chat room IM or email me and I'll send it to you.
My feet ache. I'll be up late tonight, I have Monday and Tuesday off! I love it when my two days off are back to back! It gives me time to think, breathe, and feel my more deep emotions. When you work as much as I do you end up with almost no time to live in your thoughts and feel what you're really feeling. Work is such a major distraction; I would probably be a bit depressed if I had any time for those feelings to sink in, haha!
I gave some punkgirl.org space to Bev. That means I'll need one more girl to even out the group...
punkgirl.org is open! So far only Sara has put something up, Bea will probably have something up very soon as well. *hugs them* :D I'm so very very glad you let me host your wonderful work!
I will probably post later on today, but I had just one little thing to say incase anyone ever doubted me; I have never plagiarized anything in my life. If I quoted something, it was documented as such. If I used a source to learn info from I listed it in great detail on the 'source' link on my sweetusagi.com main page (the links most people seem to greatly over look). All the written content of all of my sites are my own original thoughts and words, I never copied anything from a book. If I had you would surely know it. If I was taking something from a book I would use quotation marks. I am quite good at writing, so maybe you thought something I wrote sounded straight from a book... well thank you very much, I take it as a great compliment, not an insult.
I shall post again later! byes...
Quick! Before I take it down in a few hours! Download the song that my journal is titled after!
--- actually written at 3:00am, but in a real journal for lack of being on the computer at the time ---
The air conditioner is filling the house with such a nostalgic smell. So past re-capturing it's painful. The power it has over me almost influences me to forget my age, I feel as if I'm seventeen again. Maybe because then was the last summer my parents used the conditioner like a religion. I'm so restless I can't sleep. There’s just too much to think about. It's nighttime, and we all know about the night and me... it has this effect on my emotions. It's like an eternity of that 'falling from a cliff' feeling that everybody knows but can never deal with.
listening to: 'Lollipop Girl' by Judy and Mary
I just uploaded eight new pictures to my hidden YUKI picture archive! The archive has reached around the 670~680 mark. I, myself, have 702 pictures of Yuki on my computer, but some may be repeats and bmp wallpapers which I have not uploaded to the archive online. I would guess that around 100 of the pictures are my own efforts, the rest -as you know- are pictures collected from various sites and Yuki galleries around the net.
I've received LOTS of emails thanking me for the archive and website, even some from Japan. In fact, my daily hits from Japan have increased drastically since the opening of the Japanese language version of my Yuki site! It appears that if more people knew about it, my Yuki archive and site would be the most popular that I run (and with good reason, because it's also my favorite). The majority of my work and efforts goes toward my Yuki site, collecting Yuki music and materials, and digging up every last piece of Yuki info that I can. To know that it is being enjoyed makes the work worth it. Thank you!
As you know I'll be moving the Yuki 'PunkGirl' site over to PunkGirl.org along with my own journal and personal site, AND the journals of some of my best online friends. However, the hidden Yuki archive will remain at sweetusagi.com due to the need for space and bandwidth.
Today at work someone leapt over the service desk and attacked a woman at the counter. He beat her up and then fled. I watched him run out to his car while security and other male associates chased him down. He got away. Moments later cop cars, and a fire truck and ambulance arrived. Many of us had to explain why this was all occurring to the other guests there. They were shocked and amazed that such a thing could occur in our town (the same town Madonna grew up and graduated from high school in).
I've linked someone new down on my side bar (except that blogger is not adding her for some reason!)! Her name is Kim and she's pretty interesting. Please visit her!
listening to: '66db qp99mix' by YUKI and 'Hashi Yasume' by Sakuma Masahide
Natsuki Girl: OMG!!!! NiNa SUCKS!!!
JAMazing Yuki: why?
Natsuki Girl: omg... Kate Pierson needs to be shot
JAMazing Yuki: What happend?
Natsuki Girl: NiNa... you know? Yuki and Kate
JAMazing Yuki: yes
Natsuki Girl: I got my package today
Natsuki Girl: NiNa suuuuucks
JAMazing Yuki: What did kate do?
Natsuki Girl: she opened her mouth
To my surprise my package was sent on the fourth, not the sixth. It was sent two days before the release date! How cool... It actually came on the 7th, but I was at work, so I had to leave a note so I could get it today, which I did!
I received the new YUKI single (3rd) '66db', which is actually track three on the album that was released in March. It's very very cool. '66db' was already a pretty good song, but 'byuubyuu' (the coupling track) made a nice little addition to Yuki's growing bank of songs, and the 66db remix is... well, you'll just have to hear it. I think it's supposed to be the opposite of the original... and I do mean literally! I think it's one of those songs only a madly crazed fan will love (like me!). Here’s a hint, the lyrics are “everybody loves so silence.”
Along with '66db' I ordered the old old Chara+Yuki single 'ai no hi mittsu orange', the one and only failed NiNa album, and the MiniCurry+GoTarimo single. The remix of 'ai no hi mittsu orange' is absolutely wonderful. If you like the song, get the single for the remix. I already knew that NiNa was going to be kind of a waste of time and money before I even bought it, but it's part of Yuki's ever growing discography, so in a sense I NEEDED it. Kate Pierson needs to be shot... at least 'Hashi Yasume' is nifty. If I ever meet the person who thought Yuki and Kate would be a good match up... I swear to gawd... BAM! The MiniCurry single was an impulse buy because ChibiAyu (Fukutomi Erina) and ChibiAiko (Miyazaki Riona) are SOOOO ADORABLE!
listening to: 'Rainbow St.' by YUKI (the 'poetical' rap song featuring DON and the Beastie Girls (YUKI and Matta)
I had Wednesday and Thursday off. Yeay. Yesterday I did absolutely nothing, I just chilled and relaxed. Today, though I went out and got some stuff done. First, I finally got my hair cut, which I've needed to do for a few weeks; my hair was getting too long. Then I went and got an old choker I used to wear all the time fixed. It was my favorite, but broke two years ago, and I finally got it repaired. Then I took some pictures (including some of myself), which are shown below. Most of the pictures of me that I took included a cigarette, and I decided not to show those. For one, they didn't turn out well, I had a weird look on my face from sucking on a cigarette and blowing the smoke out. I also thought I shouldn't encourage smoking to my audience. I also took a few pictures of the golf course and deck I always talk about here, but I'll save those for my personal site and not bore you with them.
I got to brainstorm a bit more for my book, and editted what I already wrote a bit. But I haven't made any real big leaps in progress. My job is totally killing my writing mood.
I saw my old R.A. from college at Gags and Gifts today when I went in to buy a toy bunny I've had my eye on. I actually didn't plan to buy it today, but she was there and I felt obligated to buy something being that she recognized me and we talked a bit. She actually remembered what room I stayed in in the dorm. I even still have her number in my G-Shock. Funny.
If I can contact my host for punkgirl by tomorrow I'll open up the site with the Yuki sites, my personal site (and this journal), and the journals of a few other girls. I need unique passwords and usernames for the different folders or subdomains I'll give the girls. Bea is the first member! Yea, 'punkay' Vogue girl!!
YUKI's 3rd single [66db] is being released today! I can't wait! *goes to do some things before bed*
Wow... I found this... and it's so utterly true. Scary, actually. Now, not only do my things own me, my NAME owns me! The personality and likes and all that, it's there and for the most part totally on the mark. I got this from here, but I'm posting it here:
Lynn (first name)
--- Your first name of Lynn has made you a sociable person who appreciates the beauties of nature and the refinements of life, and is moved by music and the arts. You are very idealistic and romantic within yourself and may have tried to express your beautiful thoughts through poetry or writing. Crudeness and vulgarity are very repulsive to you and you are very particular about little things. You suffer greatly with lack of confidence and self-consciousness. You crave affection and understanding, yet because you can be so easily and deeply hurt, you have learned to keep your true nature hidden; therefore people do not really know you. You always wonder if you are doing the right thing, desiring to express yourself but afraid to. People may consider you haughty and aloof because of your sensitivity and reserved ways. You may find some expression about it would usually be light conversation, rarely daring to reveal your deeper thoughts or take others into your confidence for fear of criticism or ridicule. You have a very kind and gentle nature, and although you may be in a position in contact with the public, you will still be a lonely and reserved person. Thus, you live much within your own thoughts, often finding your escape in reading, which you love to do. ---
Wow... I mean... wow. If you know me personally, then you know this is... just wow. Actually, the nicknames and my middle name below are also very on the mark. Especially "Lynnie"... this is so very odd!
Lynnie (nickname)
--- The name of Lynnie creates an overly-sensitive nature which causes you to sense and feel far more than you can understand or put into words. You have a deep, artistic, and creative side which shows through a love for music and literature. Writing is a more natural mode of expression for your deeper thoughts and feelings than the spoken word. You have an ability to concentrate and work intently on anything which holds your interest. However, you prefer to avoid routine, monotony, and mental tasks. You enjoy the out-of-doors and find your greatest peace and relaxation from the beauty and harmony of nature. You prefer to limit your friendships and associations to those who share your interests and appreciate your quiet, refined ways. Others often find it difficult to understand you. Your feelings tend to build up within you and, if you cannot release them through a creative, constructive channel, you could suffer with frustration, moods, and much inner turmoil. ---
Ly (nickname)
--- As Ly you have a great love of nature and the out-of-doors. All the finer things of life and beauties of nature are an inspiration to you and you are attracted to the mysteries of nature. Difficulty in expression results in your being too positive, blunt, and candid in speech and although you are easily offended by others, you do not show it. You crave affection and understanding, but rarely find it as others do not understand you and accuse you of being cool and aloof. The average person would never realize the true depth of your nature. A very individual, independent person, you live within your own thoughts. The insecurity you experience from limited verbal expression and social ease results in a jealous possessiveness and suffering through frustration, repressed emotion, and self-consciousness. ---
Elaine (middle name)
--- The name of Elaine creates a friendly, sociable, charming nature, but causes you to be too easily influenced by others. While you find it easy to meet and mix, and can appear agreeable and compromising in conversation, you can become dogmatic and forceful if pressed too far. Others learn that you cannot be told what to do and you seldom change your mind once it is made up. You prefer situations that allow a degree of independence, but are reluctant to take on a demanding work-load or responsibility. In a position dealing with the public, you could do well because of your friendly personality, interest in people, and desire to please. When asked, you are able to give others good advice that you would probably not follow yourself, but must guard against being too opinionated in controversial matters. ---
Now a few that aren't exactly on the mark, as the names above... but none-the-less interesting:
Natsuki (internet nickname)
--- Your first name of Natsuki has made you desire system and order and to progress step by step, yet you are taken into new experiences, turmoil, and change and rarely can you fully complete an undertaking to your satisfaction. You are extremely analytical and sometimes critical of both others and of yourself, and must guard against sarcastic speech and temper. At times you feel torn between your desire for system and order, and your need for change and new experiences. You do not accept new ideas readily and do not appreciate unsolicited advice. You tend to be impulsive and could attract accidents as a result. You suffer from moods of depression. You have not found the happiness nor the settled conditions you desire. ---
Nats (internet nickname)
--- The name Nats creates a dual nature in that you can be very generous and understanding, but you can also be so candid in your expression that you create misunderstanding. You struggle with the requirement to soften your expression with tact and diplomacy and to consider the feelings of others. Difficulty in accepting advice or admitting that you may have made a mistake causes you to appear to be stubborn and set in your ways. Thus, you have too often created the wrong impression, and friendships have suffered. This name does offer creative talent where there is the opportunity for ingenuity and originality. You have a tendency, at times, to have too many ideas on the go, and thus your efforts are scattered and many things do not reach completion. You are inclined to do to excess the things you like to do. You have very intense feelings and find it difficult to maintain stability and happiness. If you allowed it, temper and self-pity could be problems. ---
I had major problems moving my journal over here to punkgirl.org (/lollipop). I had to start over with a new blog. I put all the old files in the archive here, but they will not be republished when I change the layout, like the new archive pages will (starting from the June archive page and future pages). Meaning... all the old pages will retain this layout and graphics while the main and future archive pages will get the new layout when I finally change it. So, while this is the same journal by the same girl, with the same name, with the same thoughts, feelings, and the same layout as before... this is in fact, a new run.