Weee! I was on the radio a few minutes ago! Yea, I know, that's nothing special, but it was my first time. It was the 'Kramer and Twitch' show on Detroit's 97.1 FM Talk here in Michigan. They were talking about the best TV shows of the 70s, 80, and 90s etc... and I had some I wanted to mention. I couldn't tell who was who, there were like three or four guys in the studio, so I just refer to them as 'Them'. This is a how it went... hehe

Them: *finishing up with the last caller* yea, ok, hey Lynn?
Me: hi... hi
Them: hi~ *said in a high squeeky voice, imitating me*
Me: *giggle* hey... don't make fun of me! *more giggling*
Them: awww *laugh* we're not. So what's your first show?
Me: ah, well, I got pissed 'cus someone already said 'Quantum Leap' and that's my first pick.
Them: oh, yea...
Me: yea, that was awesome...
Them: Hey, how old are you? *they probably asked that because of my voice, I sound much younger than 20*
Me: I'm 20.
Them: ok... what are your others?
Me: 'Whose Line is it Anyway'
Them: ...like the new ones?
Me: nah, the older ones.
Them: ohhh! I don't like the older ones...
Me: I like the ones with Greg Proops and that guy from Drew Carry...
Them: yea, Ryan Stiles *said some other stuff, but again I didn't catch it all* yea..?
Me: I like 7th Heaven, but that's probably just because I'm a girl, you know. I'm not even religious *I said that because the family in the show is VERY religious* but some of them are good...
Them: I dunno about that one...
Me: ... and Everybody Loves Raymond.
Them: oh yea, that's a good one *then someone else said "ah, I don't like that one, not at all"* *laughing*
Me: I also like 'I Love Lucy' you know, the reruns that they show
Them: oh yea, no one mentioned that one yet *said some stuff I missed*
Me: ...that's tied with Drew Carry... yea...
Them: *said something, they probably said 'thanks' or 'bye' or something, but I was too in a haze of being on the radio to catch that... I'm such a dork!*
Me: *hangs up*

And then they went on to talk about some stuff after that... lol! I was SO nervous. I guess everyone has to have a first time on the radio. I don't think I did too bad. I actually took the mocking of my high pitched voice as somewhat of a compliment. ^_^;; hehe. Probably no one cares about that, but it was a lot of fun for me, even if it was just a silly call in thing. It made my day, hehe.

Now I know my things own me. I just accidentally dumped my laptop in its case onto the floor last night. I swear my heart stopped. First I just stood there silently looking at it laying there. The denial phase. Then I opened it up to survey superficial damage; a few crumbs from under the keys were now hanging on the screen, this means it landed on the floor upside down. Then I turned it back on and everything seems fine... I hope this didn't cause any damaged clusters... I'm going to vomit if I've lost any data! I don't think I did... *looks through her files*

I finished Chuck Palahniuk's 'Choke' yesterday, it was excellent! Now I went and bought 'Survivor' (also by Palahniuk). In about two days I probably will have finished it. After 'Survivor' I'm going to finish reading 'Amerita' and I'm going to go pick up 'Asleep' by Banana Yoshimoto.

I forgot to blog! Sorry to those of you that were just getting used to my blogging daily!

On Tuesday night I was standing in Borders smelling the cappuccino smells from across the store, mulling over the Chuck Palahnuik novels and annual graphic art magazines. I've already consumed Fight Club cover-to-cover and was looking for a second dose of Palahnuik! Over Survivor I picked Invisible Monsters. Then suddenly it was Wednesday, I read all 300 pages in 16 hours. I couldn't stop reading it, it was THAT good. Chuck Palahnuik has GOT to be gay... or at least bisexual. He has got to be... if the man himself claimed he was straight I would demand a lie detector test.

I had a lot of time on my hands to read it, traveling between 80~100 miles an hour in the passenger seat of a Toyota on it's way from "Madonna-ville" to Ann Arbor. I digested it page for page until we got to Wizzy Wig (by far my favorite comic/video story), anime-heaven of the elitist fans! There among repackaged manga and Hide UFO catchers I laid down my plastic for a super-old November back issue of Nakayoshi, DiGi Charat Anth. volume 4, and the first volume of UruQ I 'needed' and then sped off to Koyama Shoten and the Japan Book Center in Novi. There I laid down my plastic yet again for the advanced May issue of Nakayoshi and two mags (Cutie and Non-no) chock full of YUKI. I 'needed' these. I'm happy, even though the things I own ended up owning me, again.

It was a totally Non-Tyler day.

I took a walk (the route I usually jog in the morning) to my sister's place. The route-o-golfers. Fat, middle aged men with cell phones and stretched out polo shirts. Cheesy faced golfers who wink at me. One massively obese golfer, with a pug nose notices through his cheap sunglasses, me, trotting along with my Hello Kitty purse and my much-to-big boobs. With a toothy-grin he asks me "hey, where's the roller skates?" I used to be a Junior Olympic inline speed skater that always came in second place, but this guy doesn't know that. He thinks every pretty girl with huge tits needs to be wearing a Hooter's halter-top and roller skates. In my mind I'm pegging him between his squinty eyes with a rock the size of my fist. In reality I'm looking at the ground and walking away without a word.

Today I went to Warehouse Music and picked up my special order. I ordered a DVD of Edward Norton's debut film (for which he was nominated for best actor) Primal Fear. The movie is so good I could NOT stop grinning. Edward Norton is a god!

I also picked up the hardcover edition of Chuck Palahnuik's newest novel Choke. I'm eating his novels up so fast I'm going to be sad when I've finished them all. I should catch up with my Banana Yoshimoto reading; I stopped and never finished 'Amerita'! Murakami's 'Sputnik Sweetheart' is out, and I'll need to pick that up soon as well. The guy at Borders who rung me up when I bought 'Invisible Monsters' -and who was lucky enough to ring me up for Choke today- was puzzled as to why people are suddenly coming in and buying up Palahnuik novels like the world is ending. I mentioned that I am responsible for three of those, but he claims there have been quite a few more people as well. If Palahnuik is coming to town, give me a line for an autograph and I'll stand in it.

Yeay~ smirking-revenge.org is ours! Prepare for mayhem!

listening to: 'Single Serving Jack' by The Dust Brothers, and 'sayonara dance' by YUKI

Something is seriously wrong with blogger... *tries to figure out why* ahh... it's ok, it just needed to be re-published, all it well.

I added a little iframe-menu of past entries to the side bar of the journal. It's rather nifty. I also added a page of posts I made to my old scribble journal before I set up this blog. Right now I'm working on three things... 1.) finishing up my personal site. 2.) trying to figure out how in the world I got 400 hits on my main page yesterday, and 3.) trying to quit smoking -which is easy- but I just bought a pack, and one thing I will not waste is the four dollars and some-odd cents it cost to buy them.

"Sick Boy decided to come off the scag same time as me. Not because he wanted to you understand, but just to show me how easily he could do it. Sneaky fucker, don't you think?" -- Ewan McGregor (as Mark Renton), Trainspotting

listening to: 'Homework' and 'Psycho Boy Jack' by The Dust Brothers

I finally added the list of 'past entries' to my journal here, super cool. I also finally found my old-old journal from college, and I think I will add them to the list of past entries, I can't wait. In fact, I think I'll go ahead and do that tonight!

I think I will be able to get my personal site back online tomorrow! Then next comes the YUKI site update with all the PRISMIC info. Then my greatest project to date... smirking-revenge.org! Junior (my fellow space monkey) purchased the domain for us today. I should work on fixing up the side content... then it's on to the essays!

Wish me luck all you Fight Club maniacs who've been begging to join the project! Your Edward - Norton - obsessed Tyler-ette diva is on the task!

listening to: 'Stealing Fat (Fight Club opening theme)' by The Dust Brothers

three words... Fight Club Soundtrack.

I never do online quiz thingies... but I got sucked into this one. I had to take it, just to see! First you must believe me when I say; I did not cheat, I answered all the questions honestly as I felt they pertained to myself... and guess which Edward Norton character I'm most like... "you got it!"

Oh hell yea...

Since I got the 'Fight Club' DVD a few months ago, I didn't take a really good look at the stuff on the second disk (the movie and commentary tracks and such are all on the first disk), so I didn't realize the wealth of stuff I had! A few weeks ago I went to the official site and tried to download the music and trailers and was upset when I couldn't because they were no longer available. But wouldn’t you know... they have EVERY possible commercial and trailer on the DVD... hehe, so all is well. The only thing not on there is the rumored Edward Norton and Brad Pitt music video (something Eddie mentioned in an article [I have no idea when or were]).

As soon as I update my existing sites I'll work on putting my Fight Club project into action. Don't worry, it's nothing dangerous or weird. How could a girl running a website about cute manga series start a dangerous fight club? Think about it. What I'm doing is bringing out all those quote and messages I love, and other goodies. But the main body of the project will remain a secret. I know there's someone out there itching to steal my awesome idea, so I'm not going to let it out until it begins.

listening to: 'sayonara dance' and 'Rainbow st.' by YUKI

I finally received YUKI's PRISMIC album yesterday and have been listening too it since then! I'm now ready to update my YUKI site.

I have a job interview tomorrow... *sigh* yeay?... woo... yea... work... nice... ok... good... whatever. I wish there was a job where all you do all day is clean stuff and cook stuff and take care of people you love... oh wait, there is a job that's like that, it's called a 'house wife'. Anyone wanna interview me for that job? I'll do it for free, and you get lots of great sex too. Sounds good? muahahahaaaa... yea... (that was sarcasm... for you folk who aren't quite 'with it')

It's not spring, it's frigging summer here!! Hot, and sticky... yuck! I went outside and the sun hit me. I was blinded by how white I am, white as paper! *floats around like a ghost* woo~ ghostly white girl... woo~! I'm a winter / fall / night person... I very much dislike spring and summer. I woke up this morning and was zapped of energy, DAMN HOT WEATHER!

listening to: 'There's more to life than this (live)' by Bjork

I finished reading Fight Club, in all its 200-page glory. Talk about homosexual overtones! DEAR GAWD! I will have to agree with the author in saying... yes, the movie was leaps and bounds better than the book. I was, however, happy to see all my favorite quotes were the original author's doing rather than the work of some clever screenplay writer... or whatever those people are called.

I'm totally hooked on the first full one-minute of this Bjork song... *dances around in front of her laptop*

I am SO going on a car ride tomorrow. I need speed, wind, and loud music, fresh air splashing through the car window. Smoking, and rocking, and laughing, and daydreaming, and being in a car. Very good... very good indeed.

I'm feeling happy!! PRISMIC is coming to my door soon! I also ordered the Mini Curry and Go Tarimo single, and preordered Yuki's 3rd single. I'm getting what I want tomorrow, and maybe I'll be able to sleep! Tonight... I'm staying awake... because I don't want to sleep in and miss the day!

Now... because I'm a dork... as Beverly would say (meanie!) here is my favorite quote from both the movie, and book:

"Still, a foot of concrete is important when your next-door neighbor lets the battery on her hearing aid go and has to watch game shows at full volume. Or, when a volcanic blast of burning gas and debris that used to be your living-room set and personal effects blows out of your floor-to-ceiling windows and sails flaming into the night."

I'm light and dizzy for the buzz of my last cigarette.

But today, I only smoked half of it, extinguishing the rest in a soggy ashtray under the woodwork of the deck. The breeze isn't bitter and cold anymore. In it's own sappy-suburban way... even the short perfectly tended and mowed yuppie lawn is beautiful. Yes, the even shorter grass of the golf green around hole nine is pretty. My hole nine. Two old women with silvery hair are putting into my hole nine, the yellow flag lying on the ground next to it. Two patches of fuzzy leaves of future dandelions are at my feet. Everything is nice, even the still lifeless bushes of a once-beautifully manicured shrubbery. I'm wearing jeans with torn hems and a neon aqua t-shirt with 'Tri Star Speed Team' printed on the back in flaky white lettering.

I was going to write how I couldn't sleep again last night. How I cried and how I woke up with crusty, salty lines running from the corners of my eyes to my ears. I was going to write about how I was so depressed I tossed and turned and read 'Fight Club' quietly to myself in my dimly lit bedroom, trying to forget how bad my life sucks. I was going to tell you how I can no longer tell the difference between happy tears and sad tears, and how they all give me levels of pain so unbearable I can't drift of into a peaceful slumber.

But I saw a rabbit. I saw an albino robin chasing normal robins out of my back yard. I saw a spunky little olive-green bird with a red beak. A few years ago, I saw a humming bird.

"...even a humming bird couldn't catch Tyler at work..." in the book, Jack says a humming bird was the only thing that could catch him at work.

listening to: 'There's more to life than this (live)' by Bjork

I went to Borders. It was packed and there was a curvy line in masking tape on the floor. People were standing on the line pushing and shoving and chatting in loud voices. Every ten seconds, as I weaved through the people, I said "excuse me" but no one looked or moved, so I shoved them aside and ignored their stupid glares. 'Literature'... 'P'... 'Poe'... there it was... 'Palaniuk'... 'Fight Club', three copies, I picked the one in the middle. Then I went round about the group waiting on line for some author I didn't know. Past the customer info center...

'Classical'... 'Comedy'... 'International'... 'Rock / Pop'... 'A'... 'B'... 'Beastie Boys'... 'Bjork'... flipping through jewel cases wrapped in plastic... 'Debut', lifted out the first one I saw. Glance at the sticker... $17.99. Weaving "excuse me" shoving. Someone coughed. No one is waiting in line to buy anything. Five cashiers chattering away, the oldest one waves me over. I pay for the book and CD, smile and say "Thanks...", "have a nice day" she says. "It's night..." I think to myself. Butterflies start fluttering in my stomach... yes, it's most absolutely 'night'. Arrive "home"...

I figured out why night gives me butterflies -taking a drag on my second-to-last cigarette- at least tonight, standing out in the driveway looking at Venus... is that Venus? Walking on the short wet grass of the golf course green. Snickering at the shadowy row of pine trees in the middle, separating hole nine from ten, under the stars. Then I remember... I don't like that memory. He wasn't in love with me. The way his cologne was too strong... how his short hair-do was fun to play with... so fake, he was.

I stopped by a local Japanese food store, and there on the CD rack was the Chinese (and thus, international version) release of a Judy and Mary DVD collection. They put three DVDs all on one disc: the Judy and Mary All Clips collection (which includes 15 full length music videos of all their best singles, and commercials of the 7 that were not shown, plus two album commercials and the full length version of 'LOVER SOUL'), the Brand New Wave Upper Ground Single DVD (now out of print), and PEACE (which includes behind the scenes, recording footage, interviews for the video, and the full length video of the PEACE ~strings version~). It only cost me $24, and I love it! I've watched through the whole thing once already, and I plan to have another run of it before the day it through!

listening to: 'Human Behavior' by Bjork

One goal accomplished! I've only heard two songs so far, but I already like her! She's also hyper-adorable (ahem... but not as cute as YUKI)! I think I'll pick up her album 'Debut' tomorrow when I go to the bookstore to get 'Fight Club'. That reminds me! I just got my 'order sent' confirmation email for Yuki's 'PRISMIC' album. I always pay the extra bucks for express delivery, so it should be here by Friday~Saturday, hopefully! I'll be pissed if I have to wait through Sunday!

Actually... a guy from my computer class asked me out to a Bjork concert when I first started college. I didn’t know what she was like back then, and I was super shy around people I didn't know very well... so I said yes to the concert. Then I decided I was too chicken to go and dodged class for the few days following. He never talked to me again. ^_^;; oops... If I could go back and re-do it, I would have gone to the concert with him.

I should really organize my journal entry archive... it's all messy and old right now.

Yes, I watched Fight Club again today. I've been mulling over site ideas, which involve aspects of the movie..., and I've come up with a few. Although, I am going to update all of my existing sites first before starting the new project. Also, circuitgirl.org is moving to a new server... and I still haven't finished the message board yet. I simply cannot open until it's done, because I want the forums to be sort of the 'corner stone' of the whole project.

my list of goals for this week...

1.) buy and read 'Fight Club' novel by Chuck Palahniuk
      (I want to see differences from the movie)
2.) get interested in Bjork
      (an online quiz said I'm most like her than any other female rocker)
3.) get interested in Radiohead
      (an online quiz said I'm most like Thom than any other rocker, period)

Speaking of rockers... I finally got to see the video for YUKI's 'the end of shite'. Now... I'm not bi-sexual, not by any means. But... seeing YUKI masturbate in the music video of one of my favorite songs by her... just... turns me on!! I'll be the first to say it, she's so DAMN sexy! I love YUKI! The video will make any Yuki fan stand up and shout "Take THAT Madonna! You want to see risky and sexy in a music video? SEE YUKI!" I really know how to pick my idols! Hehe. I uploaded some captures for those of you who know my yuki archive. ^.^

listening to: ' sell my soul ' and ' L'heure ' by L'arc~en~Ciel

I wear a locket with no pictures in it. I watched 'Fight Club' for a 6th time today... my 7th viewing of it, and a 2nd viewing of 'Death to Smoochy' (maybe) will occur tomorrow. Hehe. I can't wait for 'Red Dragon' to come out in October (I think that's when). It's sure to be good. I finally saw 'Silence of the Lambs' tonight. Now that joke in the 'Joe Dirt' movie makes a WHOLE lot more sense... hahaha!

I will work on an update for all my sites... starting with the main and punk girl pages. Incase no one noticed... I've been to depressed to work on my site. But don't worry, I adore my site, and will never let it go stale.

For those of you who are L'Arc fans, if you don't like ' L'heure ' try listening to it a few times. It really starts to grow on you. It's actually the perfect song to listen to while trying to work on something you need to concentrate on, or if you want to think deeply about something. The repeating rhythm and soft vocals are easy in the ears and promote the thought process. The lyrics are all in French... it sounds rather like an instructional tape, LOL! Hyde was lazy? I'll include the lyrics in a later blog entry. Maybe someone will translate it for moi? *^.^* hehehe

No, you can’t die from insomnia. I am Jack’s complete lack of... sleep!

I'm all disoriented. It feels like I've lost a whole day, instead of just an hour.

Last night was uneventful. I got online for a while and broke one of my resolutions... yea right. I don't make resolutions, but I'll call it that, just to be... that way! I got roped into a mini flame war! Fun! Actually, it wasn't much of a flame on my part. I think the rudest thing I typed was 'shove off'. Otherwise, I was my usual, unbearably saccharine self (kinda, hehe). It's my sarcastic way of remaining cool-headed and 'above it all' when I'm getting disturbed by someone.

The last time I got into a heated what-cha-ma-call-it... it spun way out of control; So much so that even when I finally got sick of it myself, the other person just kept whizzing along like a complete psychopath. Ironically, that person is the one who almost hop scotched me into this one! … ‘hop scotched’? I just made it up... huh...

Actually, I'm being too hard on myself, I'm just giving myself a stern talking too "see here... look what you almost participated in..." *jabs screen with index finger*

So, -in continuation- earlier today -around dinner time- I started itching to go see what had festered while I was off sleeping... er, trying to sleep (but I'll talk about that in a moment). I’ve decided to stand firm, and I won't even hit the main page of that site. It's... well, it’s over. I decide when meaningless things I’m involved in are over, and this little ‘event’ is most definatly over. Even if it keeps going on behind my back, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I have no emotional stake in whatever happens with it. I’m done. Which leads me to this one request... remind me never to stick up for someone I don't really like all that much in the first place.

About last night... everyone here in the good ole’ US of A (except for a few small towns here and there) lost a precious hour. I miss that hour. It was a good hour. Never harmed anyone. I’m gonna miss that hour. So much could have been done with that hour... and now it’s gone.

I’m depressed. I think my period is coming. Maybe it’s heartache. Thinking about the heartache makes it worse. Because you desperately investigate your thoughts, and you realize just how much you will really be missing. You knew it was a lot, a treasure, but you never really understood the complete whole of it. It’s huge, bigger than anything. It’s becomes your world with the lights off, and it just swallows you up. You sob, and think to yourself, you have little (or no) control over if you have to feel this heartache forever. Or at least, if you have to feel it for an extended, undetermined amount of time.

I’m ‘borderline’ probably... or several other sad things. I finished reading ‘Girl, Interrupted’ about two weeks ago. It described ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’, except for a few extreme indicators it feels like me. But, the author brought up a good point; You could just be a really lost and sad individual, and not necessarily have a personality disorder. I never saw the movie, so if there are differences between it and the book, don’t judge me by whatever the movie was. Go read the book, even though I though it sucked.

I’m going to read Fight Club next, even though the author noted that the movie was better than his own damn book. Fight Club is my favorite movie. Trainspotting is my second favorite, right after Fight Club. Have you seen both of these movies? If you have, then you realize that the messages conveyed in each are exact opposites.

Someone said they thought I wasn’t held enough by loved ones in my life. He was right... I was crying so hard into the bunny. But the bunny can’t hold me. No one wants to hold me. Now, a ton of people I don’t want holding me will rush over and try to fucking hold me, because they think they are exactly what I need.

It’s a sad thing when your parents stand next to each other, ten feet away from you, and try to have a meaningful conversation at you. Even though I’m already emotional detached from them (or so I think), it stabs me directly in the heart to be reminded that “you're alone.” ... even worse “you were alone, even when your were not alone.”

I keep crying, sporadically. Nothing is helping it go away. I was so deep into fretful thoughts and feeling bad for myself I couldn’t sleep.

I tried cuddling Massive-Pastel-Green-Bunny (one of my bunnies in my stuffed bunny collection), but that didn’t work. I tried reading a two-year-old issue of Cosmo (which, ironically had a tiny one sentence blurb about ‘Fight Club’, although, obviously, coming out of Cosmo, it was pointless drivel). No go. I leafed through old ads I saved from old manga... no sleep... I listened to music... nope, stare at the ceiling? No.

I finally resigned myself to staring at the clock face, mock snoring (even though I've been told I barely snore at all in my sleep), and letting myself drool on the pillow, convinced this would trick my body into falling asleep. I lay like that for a while, dozing a bit... but no real sleep. So, I just let myself fret. Every once in a while a new wave of fresh tears would surface, but mostly... I was just stewing in my predicaments and woes and not really trying to sort them out. Why should I sort them out? I wanted to sleep! They say you fret most when you are tired.

So now it’s late again. I’m sure I will be able to sleep now. Tomorrow, I have a 3.5 month plan I have to put into action! Hehehe! But I should remember... Tyler says “self improvement is masturbation.” Don’t know what that means? Simple. Masturbation is something you do when you want to make yourself feel good. You can’t get what you want... or rather, you feel sorry for yourself because you can’t get what you know you really want. Same goes for self-improvement. It’s just something you don’t need to do, that you want do, to make yourself feel better. The idea, basically, is... just fucking be happy with yourself as you are! But... I’m not as hard-ass confident as Tyler Durden, and I’m a wimpy female, so I need to indulge in a little self improvement before I sign myself on as part of Project Mayhem... sir!

So... tell me, are the Fight Club references getting annoying yet?

See... now the cheerfulness takes over. As soon as I post this I’ll go to bed, cry until my eyes swell and turn red, then I will fall asleep from fatigue.

listening to: 'Shuffle' by My Little Lover, and 'atsukunare' by Ohguro Maki

I'm taking the weekend to recover from the severe allergic reaction I get from something in my sister's apartment. I have no idea what it is. She has no pets (even if she had pets, I'm not allergic to animals), she has no plants (I'm not allergic to plants or pollen either), and she keeps her home clean. We think it might be something behind the walls. I feel stuffy and gross... stupid allergies. I'm glad I ran out of cigarettes, or else I would have a worse time trying to breath than I already am, hahaha.

I just found out, I’m going to be down south for my cousin's wedding in August. Fun...

I'm working on finishing up the content for my personal site, so I can put it back up. I'm out of it... I wish these allergy symptoms would go away!! I'm sure I'll feel better by Monday.

See the little smoking natsuki pixie above my picture in the side bar? Beverly made it! She showed me some other stuff, but I'm probably not supposed to tell! All I have to say is, what she's making is really awesome (and as we all know, little giffies are addicting!).

I got all the songs on the list from the post below, thank you Joshua~! ^__^

I had more to say, but I just noticed, blogger is going to be down tonight! EEK! So I better hurry and post this before it happens!

Over the summer I'll be visiting Louisville Kentucky!! My cousin's wedding is being held there. Two years ago I would have auctioned off essential limbs and organs to go to Louisville Kentucky. But now, when it no longer matters... I get a free ride there, a free hotel room, and tons of free time. Why me? Why? Ironic to say the least... or maybe there is still some sparkle of hope left if I go there? I am 20 now, not 18 as I was before. *grin* Probably not... I should feel crushed, shocked, and annoyed, but I don't. I'll be there, trying to have a good time. But... all the time I'll nervously be looking over my shoulder, like a pathetic moron.

Also, my brother-in-law, oldest sister, and I are looking for some old songs we remember from our childhoods! A few friends have been able to provide a few of these, but we are still looking for nice high quality mp3s of the songs listed below. If you know of a place to download them online, please send a link in an email to natsukigirl@yahoo.com (please DO NOT send the mp3 via email, just send a link if you have one). I don't want to use things like Napster, Aimster, Morph., or Kazaa, so don't bother emailing to tell me about them. I'm only interested in people who know of a place to download them online, or if you have the mp3, send me your AIM name, so maybe you can send it to me. Thanks! (also, unless you're AT LEAST 18, you won't have a clue as to what most of these songs are, hahaha!)

mp3s we are looking for:

Lisette Melendez - Together Forever
C&C Music Factory - gonna make you sweat (everybody dance now)
C&C Music Factory - Here We Go
Salt and Peppa - Push It
Snow - Informer
Arrested Development - Mr. Wendal
Arrested Development - Everyday People
Tag Team - Whoop! (There It Is)
Technotronic - Pump Up The Jam
The Cover Girls - Funk Boutique
Bell Biv Devoe - Do Me!
Bell Biv Devoe - Poisen
Dino - Romeo
2 In A Room - Wiggle It
Soul 2 Soul - Back to life (however do you want me)
L. L. Cool J - Around the way girl
L. L. Cool J - Pink Cookies in a Plastic Bag
L. L. Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out
House of Pain - Jump Around
Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch - Wildside
Kris Kross - Jump
Rob Base & D. J. E-Z Rock - It Takes Two
Rob Base & D. J. E-Z Rock - Joy and Pain
DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince - Summer Time
Madonna - Like a Virgin
Madonna - True Blue
Musto & Bones - Dangerous on the Dance Floor
Coro - Can't Let You Go
WreckX-N-Effect - Rump Shaker
Bobby Brown - humpin' around
Doug Lazy - House
Black Sheep - The Choice is Yours

Song titles we didn't know the artist too:
Fall in Love
B Girls
I wanna be Rich

Thanks again!

B-chan pointed out an error that prevented her from viewing my journal correctly. So fixed it, and am testing it now... test test!

I'm working on a special journal / blog for myself, and my two older sisters to share. I finished the layout, but we can't think of a clever name. I suggested 'Nothing Clever', and Kim suggested 'Utterly Crazy', Lisa hasn't thought of one yet. Well, it will be public, and thoroughly embarrassing... *sigh* hahaha, so you can see it when it's up if you feel the need to be confused. If you have an idea for a journal/blog title that would be cute for a blog shared by three sisters email it to me!! lol, we need help!

1 sudafed. Drowsy. 2 cigarettes. Dizzy. 3 cups of coffee. Warm. 1 chilly patio in sandals. Feverish.

I should have been a twin. I'm a cracked pepper shaker without the salt. I'm lonely, but I know what I need. I need someone with my humor, my smile, my brain, my heart, my opinions, my dreams. This is not a gesture of vanity. I should have been a gawddamn twin. My twin, she looks like me, acts like me, sings like me. She's lonely, and she wishes she had a twin. I'm not a twin, I was never a twin. But shit, I wish I had a twin. I have sisters, but they are too unlike me.

I'm 'involved', and the goody-two-shoed little shit inside me will go and say "don't worry about what I wrote up there, it wasn't a secret message."

During the day, I'm numb and bored. At night, as soon as the sun goes down, my nerves kick in. I'm sick to my stomach, lonely, and alive. Butterflies. My thoughts are racing. I have perfect logic, but no one to share it with who can decode my way of putting things into words. I am attracted to people who seem like they could be my match. But it's these same people who give me the scars that make me get so lost.

I almost started to believe I was crazy. But I realized, unfortunately, that I'm too intelligent to go crazy. All the elements are there, for me to be utterly insane (not in a dangerous way, in a personal, agonizing type way). But "Hi", she pops up in my face, "Look at you, miserable pathetic. You aren't crazy. Too bad, try again later!"

I have never done any type of drug in my entire life. Shit, I don't even know what weed smells like. When I was younger, I received daily ritalin overdoses. Why? Because I was too hyper and didn't pay attention. Nice. It's a crock of shit, and I know it. They didn't need to be giving me ritalin. Of course now it's too late. Every memory I should have had of all those years I was on ritalin, is blank and clean like a plate out of a dishwasher. I have no past. I have the beginnings of childhood, and some flashes of memory of middle school and the first three years of high school, and of course recent memories of the end of Senior year, Freshman year of college... and the last few months. I have an excellent memory, but the ritalin robbed me blind. I have no fucking clue who I am.

I have no ambition, no drive. Apathetic in every respect. I want to be a housewife. I will love my kids, when I eventually have them. They will grow up knowing me, and I will grow up knowing them. They can tell me who I am as babies, and I will help them know who they are when they are older. Barefoot. Cooking. Dirty dishes. Laundry. Diapers. Preschool. In the bedroom whenever my husband wants. A husband who loves his job, but not more than he loves me. Cable TV. High-speed connections. I never want to do bills, I would just mess them up. Oh sure... I have all the potential makings of a career woman, but no desire at all to expand. To me, this is a good thing. This is my life. I want the person who's my identical twin in male form to please step forward and sweep me off my feet before I have a mental breakdown. I can't float like this forever. In truth, I want to be controlled, but in a cuddly-soft, non-harmful way.

I'm going to post this now. Tomorrow, I'll contradict myself.

Crying when I don't know why... crazy... crazy... crazy...

I wasn't going to blog again tonight...

I just stepped out for my final cigarette of the evening and found my world covered in a blanket of snow. The air was chilled and somewhere a haunting wind chime was singing. The lights everywhere are off, everyone is sleeping. Except me, and my glowing cigarette. Butterflies. I resent the evening, it's too much like my life. I don't hate it. At night, my eyes are open.

"I was the warm little center this world crowded around..."

My nerves are bad today. I have no idea why. I have no reason to be on edge and all butterflies. All I'm doing this week is babysitting, chilling, site work... etc. I had a cigarette from my first pack all month. I haven't been out and about since I obtained my glorious coffee-can-head-gash. The staples came out, but it still itches and I pick at it a lot. I guess the reason that 'cherry-coma' picture gave me nightmares is because it reminded me of my gash and my hand covered with blood that resulted from it.

I needed a cigarette bad. I have my coffee here... but it's doing nothing for me. I'll need another cigarette before long. I have to smoke all I can now, because I refuse to smoke in front of my niece. She doesn’t know I smoke, and I would like to keep it that way. I can get black lungs and cancer all I like, but I don't want the one person who really looks up to me to see me doing this.

The third snow of spring is falling now. My smoky breath looked like miniature clouds. I felt like Zues. The snow was big soft chunky snow, so it fell silently, except for the occasional sizzle as a flake landed on my cigarette cherry. Butterflies.

I was going to work on the next layout for sweetusagi.com before finishing up circuitgirl.org materials. I refuse to open until the forum is completed. I had some layouts ready, but, as usual, I get sick of them before they even go up.

Just now I IMed a girl with a weblog who claims to be Japanese. A friend of mine (who, ironically, fakes being Japanese herself) voiced a complaint to me about this girl being a liar, and mean, and harassing... etc. So, being that I have an interest in uncovering those annoying wanna-be types, I decided to have a small, polite, chat with her to get to know her better for myself. I always give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this. If they want to tell people they are Japanese, I let them think that. But, for my own personal pleasure and knowledge I like cracking them wide open to see if they are the real McCoy. It wouldn't be that annoying, except that people IM and email me all the time claiming to be Japanese, and flaming me if I fail to agree. Is it really that frigging cool to pretend to be Japanese? I have some Japanese friends, and yes, they are some very cool people. But I would never stop taking pride in my own heritage to pretend to be them. I guess my self-esteem is not as low as I thought.

So, this girl was really harsh to me because I didn't introduce myself to her correctly. She got hostile right after I asked her why she felt the need to defend her Japanese heritage in every post of her journal. Of course, she could just be a nasty, rude person. If someone is that rude, I don't really care if they are a liar or not. Just the fact that they are rude is a bad enough character flaw. However, I did get a Japanese site hit around the time I talked to her. So I do believe she lives there. All of her info checked out too. Most of the stuff she talks about in her blog are correct (very stiffly written... but correct). Of course, if I -an American- knew her info was correct, could she not also be a well-informed American, just like me? Ahh, well, I give up. I'm not happy that this girl is harassing my friend online, but in a way, my friend sort of got a taste of the crap she pulls on other people. Haha... I'm sorry, but it's true. She got what was coming to her.

It’s cigarette time... I need one bad! I’ll blog again today when I wake up... maybe my nerves will go down, and maybe I’ll have something more interesting to write about.

----- review of 'Death to Smoochy' -----

There is no one else who could have played Smoochy as well as Eddie! No one! I read in a message within my Edward Norton fan group, that they found a review saying he wasn't right for the role based on his other roles, like Jack (Fight Club) and... uh... Jack (the Score) and various other "tough guy" roles. But no... no way! I've always seen that soft, innocent, even 'child-like' quality in him. His eyes sparkle! He's still very much a young vibrant man. He was wonderful as Smoochy! I loved seeing him in eyeliner and mascara!!! He's so pretty! I knew he was cute and handsome, but a pretty boy?? It really worked for him!

The movie started out a little sluggish, but I knew better than to be disappointed. I waited for them to bust out with the antics, and I was well rewarded.

I really disliked Cathrine Keener in that film, her character was stiff and uninteresting. I agree with the critics and what they've said about DeVito... what was with that ultra close up scene? Robin and Eddie carried that movie the whole way! They decided if it was garbage or great, they made it great. They really went all the way! Also, that ending scene that went with the credits... that was a little lame... the movie could have gone without that.

It's not my favorite movie, and it's not my favorite Eddie movie. But it is an awesome movie, and I think I could safely list it among some of my favorite comedies.

After I went and saw 'Death to Smoochy' I had a millionth viewing of my Fight Club DVD. And you know what? There is no way in hell Eddie will ever be type-cast. He's too frigging good. He morphs. He becomes his characters so well, he just melts right into the movies. He's... perfect. He was the perfect Jack. He was the perfect Smoochy.

------------- end of review ---------------

I was planning to blog some more today. I'm just not in a writing mood. I also have a long day of babysitting, allergy dealings-with, and goldfish saving... I should sleep. I need a cigarette... just had one... want another... can't... at sister's... will be locked out accidentally... ARG!

Oh! But I will say. I had a nice Saturday, and a fun Bunny Day! I got two bunnies! One was a very very adorable one from Josh! It had sparkly stuff in it's fur, it's so cute, I named it Ziggy. I also got one from my Mom! Her's was more decorative than cuddly and it came with a carrot-shaped bag of orange Jelly-Bellys! I love Bunny Day! One thing I dislike about Bunny Day, is all that religious stuff they kept showing on TV. What was with that? Why on Bunny Day? It puzzles me! Since when is Bunny Day a religious holiday? Some people are just too strange! *am I overkilling the fact that I'm not religous? thought so...*

note (added April 2nd): Some people seemed to think I don't know what 'Easter' is. Of course I do. See the last line in the paragraph above? Isn't it clear? I'm being an annoying bitch because I'm not religous. It's called "being sarcastic", look into it!