listening to: 'Christmas' by Judy and Mary

I really have nothing to blog about, but I'm blogging anyway. My sister's Christmas tree looks really nice. I wish Joe and I had a tree *cries an ocean* I really like the x-mas lights they use at my apartment complex, they are more rainbow-y than the usual lights... maybe it's because they are a lighter version of the traditional colors. I got a new yahoo address, I still haven't been able to change it everywhere yet, but it's now digitalmink@yahoo.com, so if you see this, that's my new back-up email addy.

I've been listening to 'Christmas' by Judy and Mary a lot, the lyrics are exactly how I feel about spending Christmas with Joey. ^_^ I'm thinking about making an mp3 of the first 20 seconds of the song, because it's so pretty. If I do make some clip mp3s they will be on punk girl in the media or misc sections.

Right now I'm waiting for Joey to come online. ;_; I don't get to talk to him on the phone a lot anymore because it's long distance. We still talk a lot, but anyday without talking to him is horrible. I bought my ticket to happiness -hehe- I'm leaving on the 18th and coming back on the 15th of January. When I get back I'll have to change this blog layout again because I'll be 20~! Actually... does anyone have any suggestions for a layout for my blog? I don't have any good birthday-ish images, and my scanner has been busted for months... oh well, I'll make it cool. I would use some naughty hentai, but I bet kids read my blog! *sigh*

I'm trying to send kento some Tokyo Mew Mew images, but even when I zip them up they are 8MB! ;_; plus a lot of my scans are missing!! *whimper* I originally wanted the TMM site to be a joint effort between me and kento, but right when we started it is when I lost daily internet... so now it's pretty much his solo project unless a miracle happens and I can be on more often. Oh my goodness!! kento says he has a great Mink picture! I have to see this!!! =D bye bye for now!

It's almost Christmas!! ^_^ WOOO!!!!!

As you can see, I made a new layout for my blog. I used my favorite hentai character Shinigami Kamako. The wierd thing is... I had just finished making the graphics in Photoshop using lots of pale yellow and very dark gray... after I was satisfied with how it looked I went to take a break and turned on the TV. The channel was set to the WB and '7th Heaven' was on. At just the moment I turned on the TV one of the characters said to another "What do you think the colors yellow and gray represent?" *SHOCK* and the other character replied "I think they represent depression and confusion..." *DOUBLE SHOCK* WHAT THE~~!?!?!?! It was SO odd... I just finished a layout using those colors... and I have to be honest I have been feeling quite confused and depressed recently. Some things are just so undeniably strange... it scares me. But I also found it very cool. It made me feel less lonely... if that makes any sense. I don't know what I should do with this new information... Ok... so my mood is effecting my work, but what should I do about that? And what if I'm just reading too much into this little odd event...

I forgot to blog about Thanksgiving... I stayed up all night after Thanksgiving updating sweetusagi.com and setting up circuitgirl.org. Then I left at the crack of dawn to enjoy the early bird specials on the busiest shopping day of the year. My sister stood in line at K-B while I dashed into JCPenny for my free mickey snow globe! *giggle* She got a ton of nice things for her family, and she got a free barbie... I guess that's cool. I saw some bears that reminded me of something Joey gave me when we first started going out. I still have them (duh), but I was at the mall, and was struck with nostalgia. I bought something for Joey, it's ok, it was going to be a suprise but I told him anyway. I'm no good at suprises.

GAWD DAMMIT I'm so f***ing lonely. It was Thanksgiving and all I had was cold pizza and water. The food isn't what matters, I could eat dirt for the holidays as long as I could have spent it with Joey. But I couldn't. Oh well, I will be there for the longest I ever have; I'll be there for Christmas, New Years, our one year anniversary, AND both our birthdays! That's a lot of things to celebrate in just a two week span of time. I actually love that, it's better than summer vacation used to be, our two weeks of holiday bliss! Well... it WOULD and SHOULD be blissful... but it might not be, if luck keeps moving in the direction is has been for the past few months.

My stupid family didn't tell my cousins that I broke up with my ex a whole year ago and have been with Joey for a year, AND a bunch of other important facts about my current life. I didn't visit my parents for Thanksgiving, obviously... so I guess they thought it was ok to mislead my aunt, uncle, and my cousins. Just because my parents don't care about me anymore doesn't mean they have to go out of their way to try and alienate me from my other relatives. But of course we all know how that goes... if my parents talk to them more than I do, then I'm the 'wrong' one and I can never convince them otherwise.

Being so far away from Joey, sometimes... all the time, I just break down and cry. Life is a huge game of waiting now, waiting till we have enough money to move in together and get married. That might have been easy enough, but of course he is in college and I am not. Last year I decided to quit attending college. Anyone who thinks I'm any less of a person for doing what I felt was right can kiss my ass. I have only told one person my reasons for not finishing college (Joe, obviously). They are excellent reasons. I'll say this, it will be a cold day in hell before I waste my precious time defending myself against mindless assholes who think you MUST finish college. I'm not saying that as advice, what works out for me might not work out for others. So anyway... waiting sucks, but not waiting would suck too... it's so frustrating!

I'm going to be twenty, the big 2 - 0! Joey is going to be 20 also. It's fun having a birthday so close to his. That reminds me, I wish he would make a site for himself -like my personal site- but then again... this domain name isn't exactly a very good place for a guy to have a site. I can imagine him trying to squeeze in a page that is appropriate for a guy between the fluffy bunnies and rainbows. *laugh* poor Joey.

Ahhh, I'm going to confess, I have a hentai site! But it's hidden and you can't have the URL. If you find it sometime on a search engine... then good for you. It's not really a hentai site... more of a hentai review site. If anyone out there is 18+ or has a hentai site of their own, email me with your URL and I'll send you a link to it. I just don't want little kids seeing it, because I do use some inappropriate words even thought the naughty pics in the layout aren't THAT bad. Actually, unless I know you personally or you have a site I probably won't send the link. SweetUsagi.com has a very kid friendly reputation, and I would like to keep that.

I cleaned out my email today, and I feel so sad. I read through email that are 1~2 years old. First of all, I have trouble staying in touch with friends that only talk to me through email, and also, I'm offline a lot recently. I miss my old friends so much. T_T Some of them forgot to stay in touch with me due to their busy lives, and also I forgot to stay in touch with some of them for the same reason. It's no one's fault, it's just... life moves so fast and changes so quickly, sometimes it's hard to keep up email friendships. I miss one friend in particular very very much. But their email address used to change a lot (so annoying! haha...) so I'm not sure how to contact them anymore. Even if I did... that might be too wierd considering that it has been so long since we talked and a ton of things have changed since then. I want to let it go, but I don't at the same time. Or maybe I'm too sensitive... Oh gosh, there is also someone else I barely knew that I used to talk to... she seemed to like talking to me a whole lot, but I think we forgot about each other at almost around the same time. I would email, but maybe she stopped emailing me for a reason. Who knows. I must be too sensitive.

I think my next project will be of a personal nature. I'm going to set up a hidden diary for myself somewhere, where I can spill my guts to myself and no one else. Sometimes the things I want to blog about are just too personal to share with the rest of the world. So pretty much everyone reading this blog get's a tamed and censored version of what I would have written about! ^^;;

I really should learn to blog more often! I end up with huge entries that I write over time, like this one! hahaha. I should cut this entry off before it get's any more massive! Lots of love to everyone (no exceptions! ^_~ even if you think so), please be safe and have a wonderful holiday! *hugs*